Gaining Self-Awareness
It’s been my experience that many leaders and professionals have good intent. We mean to have a positive impact – on our colleagues, teams, on organizations, communities, the world. Yet often our impact isn’t good. We can be less than clear, less than motivating, supportive, or inspirational. Our impact can even be harmful. We can react, or act on our biases, make poor decisions, chill conversation, diminish others, create unnecessary conflict.
Self-awareness – seeing the impact we have vs what we intend – is a key leadership skill. In a study of leader self-awareness and blind spots across 486 publicly traded companies, Korn Ferry found that professionals at companies with lower rates of return were 79 percent more likely to have low overall self-awareness than those at firms with robust ROR.
Leadership today is multifaceted, and leaders must master competencies from the ability to navigate the complexities of their business, their organization, their industry, and the market, to leading complex, diverse, and multi-generational organizations. They must be clear on their intent and have the awareness and skills to ensure their impact is aligned.
Self-aware leaders are more influential and inspirational. As they gain self-awareness, they nurture their self-compassion and become better and more thoughtful listeners. They’re better able to navigate challenges as they see their limiting beliefs and behaviors more clearly, become more curious, and open themselves to other perspectives.
It’s said that “that which we cannot see about ourselves is impossible to change.” We’re not reliable witnesses of ourselves. Our ability to grow depends on us having that outside in view.
So why do we resist gaining self-awareness. Why can the mere thought of receiving feedback or the results of a 360 assessment evoke dread?
Our brains don’t prioritize growth, they prioritize safety. Human brains naturally focus more on the negative, constantly searching to protect us from perceived risk. When we find that risk — for instance when we receive negative feedback — we have a natural human limbic reaction: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We get defensive, we want to escape, we ruminate, we shame ourselves. If we stay there, the feedback doesn’t help us.
It’s uncomfortable hearing or seeing ourselves from other perspectives. It’s why we don’t always like seeing ourselves on video or hearing a recording of our voices. We sound and look different from the inside out than from the outside in.
Like any other skill, though, we can train ourselves to be open to feedback and welcome greater self-awareness.
Remind yourself that feedback is merely data. It’s important data, but data, nonetheless. It’s not about your identity, not about who you are. While receiving feedback is valuable, remember that feedback is about your behavior, not about your worth.
Work with a good coach. Executive coaching uniquely helps leaders and professionals gain self-awareness and uncover their blind spots – their limiting beliefs and behaviors. Coaching goes further by helping individuals shift those beliefs and behaviors and by reinforcing their personal accountability for sustainable growth and change.
Welcome imperfection. The Japanese concept of wabi-sabi is an incredibly helpful tool for gaining self-awareness Wabi-sabi invites us to not only not fear imperfection, but to welcome it. Nothing and no one is perfect, and in fact there is value and beauty in the imperfect. Embrace your mistakes, setbacks, and failures. They’re signs you’re learning and growing and doing hard things.
Become curious and adopt a practice of reframing. – ask yourself, “what am I missing?” “how might I be wrong?” “what else might be true?” Take Rumi’s advice to “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”
Overall, give yourself grace. When we treat ourselves with kindness, we put down our defensiveness and adopt more of a bias toward curiosity and growth.